In retrospect, I know she's right. She was always right. When I was with her, I know that I could've been free. And now she said it's time to let go. So I suppose I will.
But I can't help but feel that there's something missing within me. A steamy van couldn't even change it. It's as though nothing ever happened. We touched, we felt, and then we discussed others as though what happened was...
nothing at all.
The way I'm sitting here when you could have found me living, laughing, lying, deceiving, looking through a lens that showed me the colors of the world.
But the colors have slowly melted into grey.
Every day I drive and I stretch my arm out my window. My toes press the gas and I feel the air screaming through my fingers.
And I wonder...who has that air touched before me? Who has breathed this air? Loved this air? Ignored this air? This necessity of life?
I am one. You are also, do not lie.
And I think of the places I have not been. I have not explored. I think of where I am headed, where I want to be. I think of the people that have helped/blocked me from getting there.
But in the end it was me. I did this to myself.
I think of the monotonous destruction of my life. I look at my mother and I cry. I look at the woman I hope to become but, maybe, just maybe, that woman is just...
There are people everywhere, everywhere you look, I look, I see them and I know it's not enough. We will never have enough of what we want.
All I want is to be remembered. I want you to remember when I won't remember myself. I hope you will.
You were my soul sister lipstick shunner.
You were my glass eater diamond eyes.
But you have forgotten.
The girl with the blind mind.
eryn. (but only for you.)
Erin Lindsey Bodjack