Wreckage. Журнал
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Sunday, August 23rd, 2009

Time:2:21 pm.
I have a swollen eye.
I picked up a shift for this evening at 5. I will be called Popeye.
Enough make up should do the trick.
School starts on Wednesday! My three text books cost 310 USD.wtf.
I'm taking Women's History during the Colonial Period (which will be great but I have a feeling a lot of key elements will be left out!!), Social Problems which I took intro to Sociology last semester and I liked it so much I decided to take another sociology course (very interesting) and I'm taking Biology and the Environment. Woohoo!
I love school.
I have a 4.0. :)
raised &clenched fists.(2)

Sunday, August 9th, 2009

Subject:life within the past 33 weeks...
Time:12:36 pm.
Mood: grumpy.
So i haven't updated this thing in a very long while. Life has changed a lot as usual. I'm dating this great kid named Kelvin, although I'm a little pissed at him right now but only because boys will be boys and they will be rude sometimes. :(

I'm off from work today and tomorrow, I work at Joe's Crab Shack. It's a good job other then the fact that they base your performance on what you're selling rather then how well you treat your guests and how happy you make them. It's crazy and backwards and makes me resent the management a good amount of the time. The weekend sucked and I am just really glad to get a break and a little breather although I hope to pick up a shift for tomorrow because the shitty weekend left my pocket rather thin.

My mom wants me to come over but I don't feel like driving all the way to Winter Park to give a stupid cat a fucking bath. I want to smoke some weed... but kelvin has my weed. :( This is bullshit! Well, if I go to my mom's that is one thing that I can do, smoke weed. So, I guess I will go there.

I got arrested in February for possesion of mj and some xanex. I quit the xanex, every story I have heard with it has scared me shitless so I cut myself off of it. I feel better now because of it. I still smoke, sorry, but that's it. I can't wait til all the court shit is situated and I can be done and over with it.

I had a really strange dream with my general manager last night...he was some sort of teenage girl molester. I swear my brain is the weirdest person I know. Well, it was nice updating this, but I'm gonna go now. I drank some sprite and it made my stomach hurt so I'm gonna go take a pepto.

I hope Kelvin calls me on break and apologizes for being an ass hole. Telling me I complain too much! Ha! That's how I am, he should be used to it by now..

peace out, erin
raised &clenched fists.(4)

Thursday, December 18th, 2008

Subject:gregory and the hawk understands me.
Time:2:44 pm.
I wish to feel smaller
under your sheets.
I wish for the whole truth
every time you speak.
I'm thinkin' about how you care half as much for me
While I watch you arrive, smoke cigarettes, sleep...

And I guess it doesn't matter what I say or what I seem
You stuck what I felt for you in the pocket of your jeans
Ignoring me the morning after
isn't enough
and I swear I'm gonna cry.
I'm sick of tryin' to be tough.

And my blood won't stick
To the confines of my veins.
And your heart
Is gonna tear mine away.

And I wish to feel smaller under your hands,
though you seem satisfied as you slip mine
down your pants.
And I'm thinkin' about how you care half as much for me
While you lift up my shirt after asking politely.

And I guess it doesn't matter what I am or pretend to be
Cuz it's her you'll always love and it's her I'll always envy.
I want to end this now so dreams of you won't keep me up.
But I swear I'm gonna cry.
I'm sick of tryin' to be tough.

And my blood won't stick
To the confines of my veins.
And your heart
Is gonna tear mine away.



New Tattoo:
elefantes

North Carolina:
Waterfall in NC

Me and Andrew:
i love andrew
clenched fists.(0)

Wednesday, November 12th, 2008

Time:12:19 am.
there is no way i could possibly list this part of my life.
what would i call it?
what sort 'o' name?

I don't care. I am completely apathetic. I believe part of me lost faith in friendship. I don't feel like I can trust anyone anymore. I cannot trust you, either.

I never understood how someone can throw you away without even thinking about it. It's so harsh and distasteful.

I deserve this.

For everything I have done that has been just as harsh and distasteful.
Karma does bite you in the ass.

things'll get better.
clenched fists.(0)

Friday, June 20th, 2008

Subject:broken hallelujah
Time:10:33 am.
Goodness, it's been a while. I've been dilly dallying with things. Working at Steak n Shake, graduated high school, got kicked out of my house, moved in with my boyfriend and his mother, getting ready for college, etc.

Hard times always, I suppose. I'm having nostalgia and I have to take my boy to work shortly and my hair is a mess.
It's hard being a grown up.
clenched fists.(0)

Saturday, December 15th, 2007

Time:1:49 am.
cut it up and swallow it
your cuts and your scars
and your spit.
my own cracks,
my faults, my lies, my secrets
what are they?
scream them out,
won't you.
slice them in me,
make me remember,
because if i don't,
what is that.
a moment lost
because they told me
that
i
wasn't
right.
like everyone else,
no one else was like me.
my fear for my own sorrows,
eaten by my brain,
torn by my cells,
they ate it,
they will tell you.
because honesty was what
they told me was right.
my secrets, my
lies.
but we all have our
doubts.
i have my own for you.
the girl beside
her grave,
screaming for the boy
on the bike,
the boy you saw and
blood.
your blood all along?
my face with holes,
they never breathed
you in.
so destroy me.
tear me down.
cut me up.
your wrath is my own journey.
clenched fists.(0)

Tuesday, November 20th, 2007

Time:1:30 am.
I could choke on the memories,
I could piss out my name in the snow.
With a heart unlike anyone else.
I found you again,
Your black coffee scolded my tongue,
But you made it up with the kiss.
Bodies together,
Bodies on fire for eachother.
Maybe just for a moment.
A moment longer then before.
My van and it's lies,
Or maybe they are just yours.
Because I knew better,
I knew not to wait for you,
I knew not to hold my breath.
Nothing has changed,
it never will.
Waiting for your annual call,
Waiting for my inevitable fall.
Without you,
I could change the world.
But I just never tried.
When I watch you with your talk,
Your smile entices people
like it always enticed me.
But my moment has come and gone,
Nothing to give you, beautiful.
Nothing to share.
Except a quick moment of rememberance,
And a breath of fresh air.
clenched fists.(0)

Tuesday, October 30th, 2007

Time:4:41 pm.
The last laugh is yours.
My hands are covered in sores
and screams from that night.
Potatoes grow now, it's that time of year.
When I listen close enough I can almost hear
their own sounds of love,
their own ways to shove
their own things under their own rug.
I am not alone.
Like so many times before,
I battle not alone,
but apart.
The ones I wish to love,
the ones I never quite will,
The ones I loved too much and
now vacate the other side of the hill.

They never quite understood.

And now you're afraid of me.
Afraid of what?
My wrath that bites so hard?
My mouth that spits and barks?
I am a luny, they might say.
I breathe true fyre, she would say.
But for her, it was cold.
I just wanted to be told
That I am not getting old.
That there are so many things to behold.
So many doors to open,
So many windows to bolt down.
Keep me in before I kill myself,
I'd say.
You shut up and mind yourself,
He would say.
But it's only because I don't know
Where to end, where to begin.
What to leave behind and what to
keep in.
They would tell me to destroy it all.
But I'm still left in the thick of it all
With nothing but a lighter,
A heart filled with coal,
One real desire,
To just go home.
clenched fists.(0)

Monday, October 29th, 2007

Subject:the end.
Time:2:04 pm.
I remember fighting for something
You and your devils inside.
And I just wanted to find a place to hide.
See the sea,
Be the sea.
The sand in my mouth choked you,
What is there to say anyway?
I cannot see,
I am so small.
My fingers are ants.
My eyeballs are rotten.
But your eyes told me more.
My lips could have brushed against
your skin.
But they knew better by then.

When it's all said and done,
And I have finally moved on,
Our rocks for our newest love.
Your window never broke,
But maybe my mind did a long time ago.
Stems, seeds, key marks to remind you of
ME.
The same place, the same time,
Stepping in spit while buying a dime.
His kisses were like a smack in the face,
They always had a taste of mistake.
And his words always made my insides shake.
The kisses I should've had
never really were ready for me.
My way of destroying myself
in the simplest ways.
The beach and the whales and the waves,
They could swallow me if I trudged their way.
clenched fists.(0)

Wednesday, August 15th, 2007

Subject:take our hands outta control.
Time:10:37 pm.
tell me what you saw.


I met the guy I've been looking for. It's funny how it works. But Mr. Right went right my way.
clenched fists.(0)

Thursday, March 15th, 2007

Time:12:32 am.
OH, AND.

Me and Montana covered rose parade by elliott smith.

http://s6.quicksharing.com/v/6287493/rose_parade_3_the_best_one.wav.html

Listen to it!
raised &clenched fists.(3)

Tuesday, February 13th, 2007

Time:4:52 pm.
I got a flickr. Add me!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/86145881@N00/
clenched fists.(0)

Sunday, January 28th, 2007

Time:2:53 pm.
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
clenched fists.(0)

Saturday, January 13th, 2007

Subject:For the one who always survived.
Time:9:05 am.
Mood: numb.
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Feline Bodjack.
June 1st, 1990 - January 13th, 2007.
One of the most loving,
beautiful,
sweet,
strong,
feminine cats I'll ever get the
chance to meet.
I will never forget you.
You are bound to my childhood,
Therefore I am bound to you.
I always thought you would be
one of the cats
that would live
forever.
To me, you always will.
clenched fists.(0)

Wednesday, January 3rd, 2007

Time:4:16 pm.
Mood: apathetic.
My dad said if he finds me smoking pot again, he'd make me buy my own insurance. I said that I'd move out in one second if he did that. I couldn't afford my own insurance, I can barely afford the insurance I have to pay now. $110 a month. It's so much.

I'm so poor. I think I might have to start looking for another job. I need more money. And I'm starting to get bored of Panera. It's really repetitive. And I work way too much.
raised &clenched fists.(2)

Thursday, December 21st, 2006

Subject:Oh shit.
Time:12:54 am.
Mood: anxious.
So my dad and my step mom found pictures of me and Nicole smoking pot. I'm so stupid, for serious. Tonight is my last night alive, I suppose. Tomorrow shit is going down. Or perhaps the next day. Tonight I have to celebrate for the horrible occasion.

Although I don't like getting caught, the way they told me was very artistic. When I walked into my room, I gasped because I saw printed pictures of me and Nicole smoking pot. It was crazy. They are cool parents even if they're fuck faces.

Hell is Tomorrow. Ugh.
raised &clenched fists.(1)

Thursday, December 14th, 2006

Time:1:31 pm.
If anyone here wants to buy a slingshot, I know it was pretty popular at Seminole last year and people have been asking me for them, so you can buy them on eBay from my good friend, Benny, and all the proceeds benefit Orlando Food Not Bombs!

If you know anyone who wants one, give them this link!

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ih=004&sspagename=STRK%3AMESE%3AIT&viewitem=&item=140064130755&rd=1&rd=1
raised &clenched fists.(1)

Tuesday, September 5th, 2006

Time:11:48 pm.
In retrospect, I know she's right. She was always right. When I was with her, I know that I could've been free. And now she said it's time to let go. So I suppose I will.

But I can't help but feel that there's something missing within me. A steamy van couldn't even change it. It's as though nothing ever happened. We touched, we felt, and then we discussed others as though what happened was...

nothing at all.


The way I'm sitting here when you could have found me living, laughing, lying, deceiving, looking through a lens that showed me the colors of the world.
But the colors have slowly melted into grey.
Every day I drive and I stretch my arm out my window. My toes press the gas and I feel the air screaming through my fingers.
And I wonder...who has that air touched before me? Who has breathed this air? Loved this air? Ignored this air? This necessity of life?
I am one. You are also, do not lie.

And I think of the places I have not been. I have not explored. I think of where I am headed, where I want to be. I think of the people that have helped/blocked me from getting there.
But in the end it was me. I did this to myself.

I think of the monotonous destruction of my life. I look at my mother and I cry. I look at the woman I hope to become but, maybe, just maybe, that woman is just...
a girl.

There are people everywhere, everywhere you look, I look, I see them and I know it's not enough. We will never have enough of what we want.

All I want is to be remembered. I want you to remember when I won't remember myself. I hope you will.

You were my soul sister lipstick shunner.
You were my glass eater diamond eyes.

But you have forgotten.

Sincerely,
The girl with the blind mind.
eryn. (but only for you.)

Love,
Erin Lindsey Bodjack
raised &clenched fists.(6)

Wednesday, February 15th, 2006

Time:7:20 pm.
I've decided to delete my livejournals because people keep messing with them and it's getting annoying. Also, these things are just stupid now.
raised &clenched fists.(3)

Sunday, September 18th, 2005

Time:7:18 pm.


Be a Friend.
raised &clenched fists.(29)

LiveJournal for dirt.

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